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Saturday, December 13th, 2008
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It snowed Thursday morning. Not just a bullshit, sad excuse for snow that we usually experience here but actually snow. It stuck to the ground and covered the cars and trees. It was beautiful. It was perfect.
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Monday, December 8th, 2008
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Last day of classes was today. I have two day of finals and I'm done. DONE! I still haven't officially been accepted to LSU and each day that goes by I get more and more nervous.
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Thursday, November 20th, 2008
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So things were said but neither of us regret them. It ended up better than it was before. Way better. Why is so hard for me to understand that honesty and straightforwardness (did I just make that up?) are the way to go?
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Friday, November 7th, 2008
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Again it's been a long time since I posted. Let's see...I've kicked ass at school this semester and decided it's about time to transfer to LSU. I did everything I could to make that happen. However, it looks like because of LSU constantly changing it's rules that might not be possible.
On another note, Obama won the presidency and I couldn't be happier about that.
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Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008
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A lot as gone on since I last posted. Took an amazing vacation to NYC. Started back at school. Did my 32 long hours of community service and 2 long days of house arrest. Gustav came and wrecked havoc on most of Louisiana. That's about it.
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So...I finally went to court this week. Which means I am finally almost done with this shit.
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I got my vacation and I've decided to stop fucking worrying and just let things play out.
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Thursday, June 19th, 2008
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I'm having a nice run of bad luck.
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I need a fucking vacation. NOW.
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So for the past couple of weeks I have been feeling this massive amount of stress. It was making me crazy. This is embarrassing but honestly I was to the point of crazy where I would see people cry on TV and start to tear up (i.e. a girl getting kicked off of top model and crying about it).
I guess it all came from a mixture of me completely obsessed with getting a 4.0 (which I think I did!!!!!!!!!), turning 20 (hello I'm not a teenager anymore. I AM IN MY TWENTIES.), and the fact that I thought me and my best friend were drifting apart.
HOWEVER, today was the last official day of spring semester '08. I spent the entire week studying for my finals and writing papers. Even today after I was done with the last final, I thought 'man, I feel like I should be studying for something.' Anyone that knows me, knows this really doesn't sound like me (the studying a ton for school not the freaking out for dumb reasons). But as the day went on I could feel the total stress from school wearing off.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still freaking out about making and organizing a 25 piece portfolio by aiting around the corner for me or someone I love. and that feels the best of all. November and getting in to the art school BUT..............I do not feel nearly as much stress worrying about everything. I mean, honestly, I was studying hardcore for every test I had, reading extra so I could know what was going in class before I got there, doing every math problem I could possibly do for practice, going to school early, not missing almost any classes, honestly anything you can think off short of brown-nosing I did it this semester. (did I mention that out of my 4 math test I got 100% on 3 of them)
The truth though....even though I spent most of my time studying and doing homework as oppose to hanging out, I'm glad I did it. I haven't had straight A's since I was in 2nd grade. It feels really good. And it made me realize something. This is hard to believe from the girl who used to define herself on how fucked up she got. But I realized...oh my god if I don't get high and drink all the time I am actually not stupid. Don't get me wrong, I have my moments but goddamnit
I am smart.
Besides school, I have more money saved up then before I bought my first car. It feels nice. Within a year I go from struggling with all kinds of addictions, debt, and not going anywhere but being the headwaiter at Deangelos to a completely different person. Now I'm my only addiction is nicotine, I have money, I'm doing the absolute best I could in school and I feel really good about myself.
NOW....................the plans for the summer are: dedicate my summer to working on my portfolio, take a fucking vacation (which I need because now at least once a week I have Caterie dreams), work and save up even more money, and lastly finally get all of this DWI shit behind me. I go to court in July and I'm ready to go in face the judge, pay my fines, and do my community service.
Also, my relationships with people are really good. I feel really close to my family. Me and my dad haven't gotten along so well since I was in elementary school and he was my hero. Me and Gibby are doing great. Beyond great. I have Deanna and Erica and they think they're my older sisters and sometimes I do too. And For the first time since...shit I don't know...I was 11 my mom's side of the family is doing good - health wise that is. I think we're finally getting a break. A much needed break. Although, I haven't been able to see any of my mom's family since before easter. but I finally have time to drive out to Denham and see them all and I'm really excited.
For the first time in a long time...maybe ever... I don't feel like something bad is w
So that's basically it. That's everything thats going on.
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I am twenty today. TWENTY! I know, I know it seems like no big deal but I feel it. I feel old. For the first time in my life, I really feel old.
All I know is the next decade will go by really fast and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that.
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Thursday, April 17th, 2008
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i cannot handle death at all.
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Wednesday, April 16th, 2008
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so it's like this...i was wrong. I only need five classes to go to LSU. I don't give a shit if the art school does not really take spring applicants, I'm taking my chances. wish me luck.
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I might be speaking to early but we're four months into this year and I am feeling pretty good about it. 2008 has really been my year.
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how long am i going to complain about how i need to change and not do anything about it? how fucking long?
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Wednesday, February 20th, 2008
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I am so stressed.
I've had three tests in the past week and being an actual good college student is work. Studying and homework every night instead of drinking or hanging out has become my life. At first, I was not okay with this but I really thought about it and god damnit I'm paying for this shit I'm going to make it worth it.
Not to mention, I have been working some ridiculous hours. 5:30 pm -3:30 am then 10am-5:30 pm the next morning all last week. and this week isn't much better.
Along with that some lady hit my car while I was working last Tuesday. So I've been running around town doing a million errands...EVERYDAY.
But that really wasn't where all the stress was coming from. It came from last night. I decided to look at the LSU School of Art website and figure a few things out. What did I find out? First, I have to make 2 seperate portfolios: one to get in and one to get into my concentration. Second, I have to do a lot of drawing. Now don't get me wrong I love to draw but I haven't taken a formal art class since my junior year of high school and I seriously doubt anything I can do now would get my into an art college. And third and most important, they don't really accept new students in the spring semester. This might not sound like anything to you guys but I was planning on getting out of shitty BRCC after this fall semester. Now it's looking like I'm stuck at that school for another fucking semester.
The main fear in the back of my head is: "Fuck, what the hell am I going to do if I don't get in?" As much as I would like to think I'm a shoe-in, I'm not. And if I didn't get in, I honestly have no idea what I would do.
So that's life. I'm trying to not think about everything at once but it's all right there in front of me.
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Wednesday, January 30th, 2008
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So two weeks later and where am I?
I'm living with Gibby and have all of my stuff in storage.
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Thursday, January 17th, 2008
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Not much has changed. I'm in school again. (Wow, a consecutive semester.) I've managed to set up a plan so that i pay a little on my tuition over the semester. I've bought all my books. And I actually have move-out money. (new apartment yay!)
...I still can't get any sleep. I'm so stressed out. I am almost determined, stupidly I must admit, but determined to not ask my dad for help.
But, I can't act like I don't know why I'm getting 3 hours of sleep a night. I do. We have two weeks. Yes, the 31st we have to be out of here. Do we know where were moving? NO. Does my roommate have the necessary money for getting a new place? NO.
And now I know why people say don't live with your best friend. I want to do what I can to help her but fuck she's putting me in a horrible situation. I can't afford to pay for everything. I AM only 19. And even if I had that kind of money I don't think it would be my responsibility to pay for her shit.
I know all of this but I have the hardest time bringing it up. What the fuck am I afraid of.
Well right now, to be completely honest, it's looking as though I'll have to put all of my shit in storage, live out of my car, and sleep on couches.
There is some good news to be told though. After finding a LSU course book and hours of figuring shit out, I know when I can get out of BRCC for good. Spring 2009!!
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Wednesday, December 26th, 2007
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God damn I piss myself off so much. I'm so scared of fucking everything that I'm really getting annoyed with myself.
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Saturday, December 22nd, 2007
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I am unbeliveably stressed out right now. Not now as in this minute. Now as in these last few and next few weeks. Not only am I working 7 to 8 shifts a week, I have to figure out how to pay for tuition, books, and supplies. Also, while I look for a new place to live and figure out a way to pay for that. Oh, and Christmas is not helping much either.
But if I look past all of that things are pretty good right now. Life in general is pretty good right now.
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